boo!

I feel horribly terrible that Pau and Mac won't get to watch The Eraserheads second (and final) concert because I can't go. Ever since we learned that they're doing another concert, we vowed to watch it. We were more than excited! We couldn't contain ourselves! Everything was already set, we already have plans for the rest of the 7th...Until I tried to book our tickets:

Y: May seat number ba yung tickets, Miss?
Miss: Wala pong upuan.
Y: What do you mean wala? Wala na?
Miss: Wala po talaga, standing siya talaga
Y: Kahit yung pinakamahal na ticket?
Miss: Opo...
Y: Eh pwede bang magdala ng monobloc or something?
Miss: *laughs* Pwede naman po pero baka mawala kayo makita
Y: Okay lang ate, minsan minsan uupo ako, buntis kasi ako, baka mapagod ako pag lagi ako nakatayo
Miss: Ay ma'am, bawal po kayo manood.
Y: BAKIT?!
Miss: Policy po namin bawal manood ang buntis. Para rin po sa sarili niyong security.
Y: Hindi mo ko bibigyan ng ticket kasi buntis ako, ganon?
Miss: Kahit po bigyan ko kayo, pag dating niyo dun hindi rin po kayo papapasukin. Sayang lang po ticket niyo...

And that turned my world into dust. :(

I told Pau and Mac that I can't go. So now, they're not going as well.

TERRIBLE CONCERT RULES!

But makes sense.

xoxo

50-1

So I have not turned my PC on for like... forever.

I'm always tired and couldn't be bothered to do anything else but play with my little bub.

Anyway... photos photos!

The best father and "lolo" in the whole wide world celebrated his 49th bday! I love you Pa! ♥

The whole fam went swimming to celebrate the big 50-1!

My little bub making "pa-cute"

The boys hang out!

The "moving" pregnant girl (A.K.A Ate) reached her last pose for the series of shots! :P

Mga sunog. BOW.

Shobe, EJ and Pau enjoying the man-made wave!

"Hurry up dad! The wave's coming for us! "

PRINCE GIANN! :P

More photos of dad's birthday celeb here. Also Bim's 18th birthday!

---

Last Friday dad left for work yet again. And for the 19th time (for the 19 years he's worked abroad), I cried.

I may not live with him anymore. But I cried. I cried for the tears he cannot show because he's a father. I cried the fears and sorrows he cannot mirror - the wishes he couldn't say.

My heart yearns for the year he won't have to leave us again.

---

Another thing that breaks my heart: Hell in All Its Fury is how The Age put it. It was something I never imagined would happen to Australia. Something that tragic could happen to the Philippines anytime. But even though Charles has told me bazillions of stories about bushfires, it still never struck me as something terribly serious. Until I read it today. :(

I'm worried and saddened and well, shocked.

Aaaah.

xoxo

i grew up with flowers

I'm not a fan of Beyonce but if I were a boy I'd give my girl flowers. Weekly if I can. Monthly would have to be the longest interval she'd receive flowers from me. I don't care if there's no friggin occasion. I don't need an occasion to let someone know I love her.

Flowers are always beautiful. And I'm sure my girl would be beautiful. Therefore she deserves flowers.

They can be expensive, inexpensive or much better if they were picked especially for the girl. Doesn't matter if it's rose, tulip, stargazer, or daisies. Flowers are always nice to receive. It can make a day!

If I were a boy I'd give my girl silly notes, nice cards, and out-of-the-blue funny/sweet messages.

But I'm not a boy.

I'm just a girl who loves flowers and silly doodles.

But have not received them since a year ago.

xoxo

it turns blue

I realised that one cannot be 7 months pregnant and have two jobs at the same time.

Last night, I dozed off while putting Giann to sleep. I actually slept before him! I missed all of my classes. :( I feel terribly bad about it. But I was so tired, and I am a mother more than anything else so I need to attend to Giann first. Commuting to Makati/Manila is something I'm not used to do anymore. So each and every time is super duper tiring for me. I find myself falling asleep while in transit, that even if I get ample sleep the night before!

So today I'm going to ask the Korean manager if she can change my schedule or if I can take a leave for a month. I really don't want to leave teaching. I am very much enjoying it. It is something I've been wanting to do since I was a little girl. And it makes me all warm inside every time my students call me "Teacher" and when they heed my advice (even if they're like decades older than me!) You know I've always believed there's something very noble about teaching. But I've never felt what it's like until I started teaching. The feeling of accomplishment it gives me is not the same as when I finished an important event for a company. The latter is nothing compared to hearing the enthusiasm on my students' voice each and every time we have class. I love teaching, no doubt about that. It's in my blood. But it's wearing me out. And taking so much of my precious time with Giann. It shouldn't be the case if I'm not back working for The Firm. But I am so I need to make a few adjustments. Keeping two jobs isn't working well for me - not good for Giann-time and definitely not good for the little baby inside my tummy as well.

I've no more time for anything else anymore ever since this whole thing started! I don't even know when to squeeze in my check-ups/lab tests, Giann's vaccination and paying of bills. I don't even have enough time to deposit money to the bank!

ARGH.

xoxo

168 blues

I am once again lamenting over the fact that this house gets absobloodlylutely depressing without Pau and with Giann asleep.

I am done with "working." And I'm not yet sleepy. There's nothing good on TV. And Mac's playing Prinsesita. In short, I've nothing to do.

Well, even if there's WoW and a good show on, I'd still rather have Pau here.

The reason why I'm here is not here. It doesn't make sense. Pft.

xoxo

nothing, really

I can't believe I've been sick for more than a month now. It's not funny. I just got home from the pulmo and he gave me 3 more meds! Way to make me more groggy.

Stupid doomed building. IT made me sick. I just know it.

---

I know you cannot relate but whatever.

Prinsesita has left her home of more than 2 years. I transferred her to a new place with a heavy heart. But Bonechewer has got nothing more for her. It already gave her the best. :) Of course she will always love Bonechewer, after all, it's where she met the Australians she'll always remember, hate and love - Altor, Axlfooie, my "favourite brother" Kempachi, Spiritmonger, Xorxor (and his bazillion other Xors) and of course, Nyter. Bonechewer also gave me friends, who in the process of playing WoW everyday turned into real life friends I enjoy hanging out with - some of them even became Giann's godfathers!

I left Taft Tower. Prinsesita left Bonechewer. But our homes will always be what we left behind.

---

Now I know someone who can relate *wavesatHana* :P

Such a sad, sad song.

xoxo

I LOVE YOU ERASERHEADS

ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG!!!

I missed the concert of the year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(

The reunion of the hottest HOTTEST Filipino band to ever walk on earth!!!

I was so busy being sick I didn't realise it's tonight!!! I was thinking it won't be until the first week of September or so because tickets weren't available until Thursday, August 28th.

Huhuhu.

I LOVE YOU ERASERHEADS!!!

So Pau and I are like super dee duper duper duper sad and disappointed now.

You know I don't like going to concerts. But I'll definitely make an exception for my most favourite local band of all time.

But huhu. As I'm typing this now, Ely might be crooning "Huling El Bimbo" already!!! WAAAAH.

SOBS. SOBS. SOBS.

terrible

Yesterday was unbelievably okay. The COO did not bite my head off. My boss was surprisingly on my side; and a little testimony from Gill then I was redeemed. It's not like I'm the ONLY one to blame anyways. But I'm sure Tax peeps still want to cut me to pieces! All I can say: staff is NOT synonymous to client. They're just totally different. Enough said.

---

I didn't get ANY sleep last night. Stupid Meralco decided to cut our electricity from 11:30 PM to 6:30 AM. I had to fan Giann to sleep the entire time. I'm not kidding. The ENTIRE time. I wanted to take refuge in a hotel again but Pau didn't want to drive at 2:30 AM. He's too sleepy.

---

So I'm going on a terribly sick hiatus again. It's been 2 weeks and I'm still sick as ever. :(

See you when I get better!

xoxo

i saw this somewhere

Everyday I wake up and have this ache in my chest. And sometimes, I just sleep in because when I wake up, you’re not gonna be there.

---

I'm supposed to be sleeping but I can't sleep. I'm...sad. Gill once said that people cry and they know why, but when they cry and they couldn't reason even to themselves why they're crying, the reason must be something beyond them - something profound and real. Hmm. I am not really crying but I am really sad. Not TERRIBLY sad though. Just...sad.

Ah I should take it easy. I keep on answering "yeah" to someone who kept on saying "take it easy!" and I should keep it. I've broken one too many promises already.

---

We've officially moved offices. So now, Gill and I are CLOSE. LITERALLY. I will take photos of our uber cozy workplace tomorrow.

---

Pau showed me the biggest Toblerone EVER! It's sitting in the fridge. Too bad it's not white. BOO.

Alrighty time to try and sleep (again!)

xoxo

catholic girl

I don't want to be an Iglesia ni Cristo.

But if I don't "join" them, Pau will get "kicked-out" of the religion he's believed in and loved all his life. It will torment him. And I can't take that.

But I don't want to be an Iglesia ni Cristo. For various reasons. I never realised how much I don't want to be an INC member until Pau told me tonight that I'm going to be doctrined starting tomorrow morning. I cried. But I didn't let him know. I cried because I don't want to be doctrined. I don't want to be a part of something I don't believe in. Catholicism is not perfect, sure. But Iglesia ni Cristo is just... different. It's alien to me. And no I don't want to learn about it. I tried to buy more time. I was like, "can't I be doctrined after I finish my masters degree? Then I don't have to worry about anything else but attending those sessions Wednesdays and Sundays." I am desperate. I'll sing and dance and eat fire if only it'll buy me more time!

But I don't want Pau to lose his religion. He's the man that he is because of it. And Pau's a good man. Like really.

Oh what am I going to do?

I cried and I am crying.

Someone help me make sense of this. Please. :(

sigh

It's so cold it's not funny.

And I forgot to bring my scarf. :(

Friggin weather.

---

Also, why the hell can't we access Gmail anymore? But we can access Facebook!

Hmm. I think someone from IT is doing excessive Facebook-ing!

Tsk tsk.

so what happened?

Our friggin router's been screwed since a week ago and of course Pau thought he needs internet connection more than I do, therefore the DSL is connected straight to his PC. Well, actually he really NEEDS internet more. He'd die without it!

But then last night, Pau's PC won't turn on yet again. Ergo, Yeng wins! Haha. I have internet connection now yay! Poor Pau and lucky, lucky Yeng. :P

I've been very very busy with work and organising Giann's first birthday party. I was wrong when I thought that after signing a contract with T.G.I.Friday's and paying the down payment, everything's already settled. But mygod now I have invitations, cake, cupcakes, game prizes and loot bags to worry about! Also driving me insane is thinking and re-thinking (over and over) what my little bub will wear on his very special day! I'd be lying if I say that organising Giann's party doesn't make me go gaga because hell it does! But it's one of those things that make me crazy and I'm so loving it. :)

Oh on a very sad note:

I will miss this retro guy! :(

---

Last night I was so tired and feeling really really weak, I landed on my butt! RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SAN PEDRO MARKET! And they were like, "ooooh!!!" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or die of embarrassment. Haha.

---

The soon-to-be birthday boy is sick too! With another viral infection plus coughs. :( You know what they say about someone always getting sick when it's just weeks before his birthday? Could be true for Giann. Or maybe, he's just really too young to fight all the bacteria and viruses in his environment. :(

---

Alrighty time to put Giann to sleep now. :)

xoxo

weekends

Saturday was spent with my siblings in an anime convention. It felt like I was transported to another Universe - one where 'people' wear funny-looking clothes, sport striking coloured hair and carry funny accessories and 'weapons'. I jokingly announced, "wow I think I'm under dressed." And Pau was like, "Para tayong nasa mental hospital." Hahaha. His tongue is sharper than mine! :P

Shobe dressed as someone from Prince of Tennis

Someone dressed as... beats me!

I told you I was under dressed!

Go girlaloo! :P

Is Mask Rider Black actually anime? Hmm.

Saturday night was spent being honest.

Sunday was spent with Pau and Giann for foot spa + pedicure + manicure day! Giann decided to eat, tear all the magazines his maid amused him with. He also decided to “destroy” the fake plant display and put some of its leaves in his mouth. Then he screamed and whined gazillion times! He’s a brat in the making, I can tell! :P Despite that, I still think he’s a cutie. ;)

I slept around 8:00 PM Sunday night. Bad migraine.

Today was not so great either. I slept the whole ride to the office because of severe migraine. I almost missed the street where I get off. I look really lousy and I feel sick.

To top it all off, the heel of my left shoe decided to do a “Mentos” on me. Hahaha. I wanted to pull the other pair’s heel off too but I friggin couldn’t. It’s a mystery to me why the left heel was so disentangled while the right one was so screwed. I mean not like I’m hopping on my left foot from one place to the other! But anyways, thankyouveryVERYmuch Pol for offering to buy a mighty bond for my shoe. Hahaha. Jologs at its finest. :P But see, it is the Universe’s way of handing a sign. I am so buying the ZARA ballet flats I’ve been eyeing since last month. :)

Good night world.

P.S. Our boss (of all people) sent us an e-mail about the earthquake in China and it tore my heart apart. :(

xoxo

eternal thought.

Love in itself is great. But in some situations, I'm afraid it is not enough. Relationships need more than just love. It needs TIME and ATTENTION.

I wish love REALLY makes the world go round. Sadly, it does not. Love is grand, alright. But to build a life together and hold on to it forever, you have to have more than love.

It's true that people show love in different ways. And if my idea of loving is different from yours, we may have a problem. BUT exactly why there are such things as respect and communication and patience and understanding. If we lack those too, then we indeed have a problem.

Shall we move on and blame it all on midlife crisis?

I am not crying for myself and you know that. I am crying for the little boy who needs you.

thought #3

I don't know which is worse: The way I am or your perception of me.

And you're supposedly my better half.

Wow.

It's too painful to realise that the one who's supposedly supporting/loving/standing by you and fighting for you is just like the rest of them narrow-minded people you hate.

I married my mortal enemy.

Or maybe. I got it all wrong. Although I'm certain that he's the one who got it all messed up.

P.S. Thank you for slapping the past right back to my face.

in memory of

I've had a pair of Havaianas even before they became a "hit" here in the Philippines. And god was I so proud when only a few weeks after my friends and I started strutting around the campus every Saturday wearing our stylish, comfy Havaianas, more "kulasas" started wearing them too! Screw Ms. Manila and her "no-slippers-inside-the-campus" policy. :P

My first pair was a Floral Bubblegum. I got them a week after I saw 99.5 HitFM's (DWRT then) Special Projects Director wearing a pair of the Light Blue ones. She's so much of a fashionista so she's like always ahead of everyone when it comes to "what's in." But anyways, that wasn't the reason why I bought a pair. After all, there can only be one Cheska in the group, right Nhe? :P I bought a pair because they looked so comfy! And I'm really a flip-flops girl! I wear flip-flops anywhere! Screw dress (or in this case, shoes) codes! :P But sadly, I lost that first pair a couple of years ago when I was swimming at the gorgeous beaches of Bohol. Lost it when they stopped making those designs. Sobs. But it was good 2 years with that pair, really.

And now. My second pair. A Chocolate Brown Top Havaianas.

(took photos straight from the shower)

I was in the shower and it came loose. :( Few minutes before I was just admiring how it looked perfectly on my feet, how much it complimented my skin tone (and my pussy red nail polish too!). Then just like that, without warning - it came off.

I rushed to the room with my poor broken Havaianas and showed it to Pau: "look what happened! This is my second pair! I've had this for years, I cannot even remember when!" I swear I almost cried! He offered his sympathy and was like, "why are you wearing it in the shower anyways? It can only handle the pressure of the water for so long! Or maybe, it's just that old."

Oh poor old Chocolate Brown Top Havaianas. I wear him EVERY DAY. It was my bedroom, living room, garage, shower, whatever-room, all-around slippers. :( I regret I stopped taking him to the shopping centre or anywhere fancy. I didn't know his time would be this short! Huhu.

My dear friend I'll miss you. Sure I can buy a new pair. Pau even promised he'd buy me a new one. But your comfort is one of a kind. :(

R.I.P. my most loved Chocolate Brown Top Havaianas. Sometime in 2004-February 25, 2008.

2 down, 2 to go.

SuperDad

Tomorrow dad leaves yet again. So the little Buyigyig in me is crying. 17 years and it still brings me to tears. I guess there are some things I will never be too old for. Crying every time dad goes away is one of them.

I understand the cliche about goodbye and loving (or something like that) because of my dad. When he says goodbye it means he loves us. Very truly deeply profoundly much.

And we love him too.

I love him. So much.

*wipestears*

xoxo

depressing

This made me cry.

Sad noh?

"You're the one I want to grow old with."

How will you ever go through life without the person who thinks/wants that of you?

Note to self: I should read happier articles/news!

So yes Be, where's my Gossip Girl series? :P

ironic

I'm sad. In pain. But I can't find the words to tell you.

And I thought I'm only writing-disabled when I am enormously happy.

Lesson: Well, aside from always remembering what your teacher taught you in kindergarten, NEVER expect. :)

There.