OZ OZ OI OI

While on our way to the cinema to watch "The Spirit", Pau and I were looking at movie posters to check on the 'up and coming' movies. And then all of a sudden:

P: "Ah eto Be, kahit ilibre mo pa ko, hinding hindi ko papanoorin!"
Me: "Huh?"
P: "Ayan o, AUSTRALIA." *laughs*
Me: "Bakit naman? Alam mo bang there was some sort of controversy about that movie."
P: "Talaga? Ano?"
Me: "Not really sure basta meron. I read it somewhere."
P: "Okay, ayaw ko pa din!"
Me: "Sayang sa EDSA Shang pa man din sana kita itreat pag pinanood natin yan!"

He frowned at me of course. :P

Amazing how people can forgive but how hard it is to forget. I don't blame Pau. I don't blame him either. And I don't blame myself as well.

And I'm saying the same thing for feelings.

Love is ALWAYS a good thing. No matter how bad or sad it ended. Or never did.

xoxo

oh boy

You can thank your stars all you want but
I'll always be the lucky one

xoxo

"I want to hear it every day for the rest of my life!"

Gmail makes me cry.

So I don't log on my Gmail unless I really really HAVE to.

But today I gave in.

Logged on it.

And now I'm depressed.

I'm silly.

But I'm going out with friends tonight so it's fine! :) I really didn't want to go. But Pau was like, "you should go. When was the last time you left Giann for the night?" "Uhm, Bong's birthday?" "That was a long time ago! And that was probably just the 3rd time EVER you left Giann for the night so you're not really a bad mother if you go with us tonight!"

So I was convinced. :P But I guess that was his nice way of saying I've become so boring. Haha.

Alrighty preparing for a long night (of eating and WoW playing!) with guy friends!

Oh and before I forget: HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYNDON! He's one of the nicest guys that I know. Naks! ;) I'll post a photo of him but I forgot my photobucket password. Lucky him! Haha.

xoxo

and i don't know what to feel

I used to dream almost every night - in full colour. My dreams were so vivid I could mistake they're real (if only I didn't know better). I knew the face so well - memorised its features like my own. I recognised the deep voice so well - heard it so clearly as if it's amplified by digital surround sound. I felt every touch, savoured every smile, recorded every laugh. I knew all the details - I held on to them like dear life.

Last night I dreamt again. But unlike before, this time the face was a blur - almost covered by blinding white light - distorted. I could see a smile, I could feel a touch. But they felt cold and unreal. They felt like pigments of, well, a dream. For the first time in years, they felt like what they REALLY are - mirage. The face I knew so well turned into someone unfamiliar - it has change in ways I cannot grasp, cannot pinpoint.

Like the four-line poetry, the blue card, the doodles, the songs and the funny images on camera - I still remember them. But not as perfectly as I did before. They are like the roses I tried to preserve by keeping in between pages of thick books. I preserved them, yeah but they still withered.

Maybe if I let you wither, all else will die and no longer haunt me.

xoxo

bad news, sad news and amusing news

BAD NEWS

I did a major booboo at work. I sent an e-mail to over 600 clients saying that we're holding a seminar for free when in fact, we're charging Php1,250 per attendee. It was a miscommunication. I know I'm supposed to be good at communication but I lose it especially when I've heaps of concern that I need to attend to.

So tomorrow, the COO is going to meet with me and my boss. According to his secretary, he's terribly upset. I know I would be too! "WTF WERE YOU THINKING YENG?! FREE?!" Okay, so maybe he won't lose it like that but I'm still royally screwed. Oh well. It was MY mistake. And I'm sorry about it. Too bad sorry doesn't always make up for it, yeah?

This is actually the first time EVER that I wish I'm still working for the family. Because then, I can fuck up big time and the worst my auntie could do is tell my dad. Then I can just smile/pout (whichever works) at my dad and say, "she's too much!" (and he knows that she really is).

I really don't mean the previous paragraph, you know. I don't want to work for the family ever again. That even if I get it my way with the family - tardy everyday, do AWOL, come to work in flip-flops (HEAVEN! :P), and chat the day away on YM and MSN! I was a terrible "employee" but she was the worst "employer" so we're even. ;)

ZOMG wish me luck tomorrow. I badly need it.

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ANOTHER BAD NEWS

One of our maids (and cook) is leaving. After 24 years of serving this family. Well actually, she's already left since almost a month ago. But we thought she's coming back as soon as she's able to attend to whatever pressing family issues they have back in their province. That's what we all thought. Until one of the maids (and her sister) said that she has no plan to go back anymore. I was astonished. It's going to be a very big problem for this house.

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SAD NEWS

You know your child is a big little boy already when he doesn't want you to rock him to sleep anymore. :( Before he wouldn't sleep if I don't rock him to sleep while singing a lullaby. Now, I carry him and he wants to be put down! What he does is that he'll try to hug me while he puts himself to sleep but his little arms cannot reach me yet. So he makes sure his body touches mine to make it up to the "cannot hug you yet mum" problem.

I really dunno if this is a "sad" news. Giann's growing up, that's normal. And actually, that's good. But I guess, I'm just not yet ready to let him go, no matter how slowly the process goes.

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SOMEWHAT AMUSING NEWS

I noticed that Giann's boxes of toys are neatly stacked in one place and so are our unused wedding gifts. So I asked Pau, "wow, who cleaned our room today? See how neat and proper everything looks now. I've always wanted to ask them to do that." And he didn't even look at me but he was like, "what? cleaned what? no one? I don't know." I was surprised, "wow you spend the WHOLE day inside this room and you don't even notice a single change in this room when it happens!" I think it's amusing how he cannot care like that. Or how unnoticeable everything is for him as long as they have nothing to do with his computer. Or maybe, I am just annoyingly observant. But I'm betting that's it's more because he's heavily fixated on his computer. :P He's not too bad though.

xoxo

i saw this somewhere

Everyday I wake up and have this ache in my chest. And sometimes, I just sleep in because when I wake up, you’re not gonna be there.

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I'm supposed to be sleeping but I can't sleep. I'm...sad. Gill once said that people cry and they know why, but when they cry and they couldn't reason even to themselves why they're crying, the reason must be something beyond them - something profound and real. Hmm. I am not really crying but I am really sad. Not TERRIBLY sad though. Just...sad.

Ah I should take it easy. I keep on answering "yeah" to someone who kept on saying "take it easy!" and I should keep it. I've broken one too many promises already.

---

We've officially moved offices. So now, Gill and I are CLOSE. LITERALLY. I will take photos of our uber cozy workplace tomorrow.

---

Pau showed me the biggest Toblerone EVER! It's sitting in the fridge. Too bad it's not white. BOO.

Alrighty time to try and sleep (again!)

xoxo

traitor

I don't like dreaming.

Dreams give me away.

But at the same time, I enjoy it.

If only to see your face.

---

I saw Linette Lusañez while I was having lunch with Gill yesterday! :D And I was reminded of how crazy and lazy college days were. Ah I miss it! I miss her!

Also, she made me realise how boring I have become.

L: labas naman tayo!
Y: oo ba!
L: pwede ka ba?
Y: oo naman! basta wag lang gabi!
L: nge, ano kaya yung basta wag lang gabi?! kelan tayo lalabas, linggo?? simba muna, tapos punta sa park?
Y: *laughs* oo bakit, tapos coffee, kwentuhan, mga ganun...
L: #&*%!!!

Hahaha.

Well. I can't miss sleeping time with my little bub! I just adore him too much.

But seriously, I admit I've diminished my existence to work-home, home-work BUT I can make an exception! Like the premiere of The Dark Knight on the 17th at Rockwell with Hana, Gill and the others! Only because Pau and I are uber excited to meet Phil! :P Pau would even miss out on raiding. That special Philip. :P Pau won't miss raiding for me, you know.

Ah life.

xoxo

you don't see me

I'm not a fan of Pussycat Dolls.

But this one makes me cry. For real.

xoxo

i adore(d) Sex and the City.

The challenge in life is to find someone who would still hold your hand despite the years. Even though his ice cream melted while waiting for you because you want to find a pair of good shoes. Which would only mean you're waaay more important than friggin DQ ice cream. Which SHOULD be the case, anyways. He won't purposely walk fast for you to fall behind because he knows you're carrying an uber heavy bag and shopping bags. He will ESPECIALLY wait for you when you're about to cross the street because you've just learnt the art of crossing streets 3 years ago.

Ah, it's so hard to find someone like that. Or is it, really?

That even if you've known someone since ancient times, still won't guarantee he'd be that.

Believe me, I so know.

The end.

xoxo

crazy handstands!

When was the last time your heart leapt out of your chest?

Mine did this morning.

Why are we depriving ourselves of such wonderful, amazingly crazy emotion/s?

xoxo

and he's helpful

Today I’ve spent lunch time with an Indian intern and I realised that when you’re somewhat confused and keep on double-guessing your decision and here comes someone from a totally different perspective who tells you, “I think you did what should be done.” And he may not entirely agree with EVERYTHING and you may not be able to tell him EXACTLY how you feel and why you did what you did and everything that happened in between but even with his bleak understanding of what you’re going through he gives you a good, firm nod, it makes you believe that yeah, you indeed did the right thing. You may never even come close to guessing how relieving it is. But of course you’d still feel pangs of negative emotions every now and then but you always go back to that one fateful lunch with someone who doesn’t share anything in common with you yet believes in your decision, you know you’re in the right path.

P.S. Although somewhere along the conversation, healthy, sad tears sprang and towards the end he was like, “okay enough torturing the napkin” and I, unaware of what I was doing, looked at the torn napkin with strong holes all over it, blushed.

Super P.S. And yes Hana, it's because you don't want to eat lunch with me anymore that I'm stuck with my new bestfriends. :P Although I admit, N is helpful.

xoxo

the truth is...

I was never fed up.

I am not fed up.

And I don't think I ever will be.

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I spent the whole day making logos for our newest project "FOH" ;) And I would love to render them in Photoshop and post them here but I'm too busy with Prinsesita. Hehe.

So maybe tomorrow beautiful blog. :)

Good night.

xoxo

100

It was surprisingly easy yet it's one of the hardest things I've EVER done. Still is.

Holed.

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This is my 100th post! :P Wow.

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Mac was right about powder making the itch a bit bearable. But now that Pau's out (with Mac) and no one's applying powder on me, I'm starting to itch again. :( Get home soon!

FRIGGIN ALLERGIES. My skin looks terrible. And feels much worse.

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Oh Hana, where are our photos?! :P

xoxo

please don't stop the music

So I'm still goddamn awake.

I blame it on the fact that I've stopped taking antihistamines since yesterday. Ergo, no instant sleeping pills for me. Last night, I've spent a couple of hours watching the raid from Mac's (meaning mine) PC hoping something will interest me because I was bored and itching and annoyed and mad. But sadly, nothing interesting happened until I was able to force my eyes shut. Tonight's actually one of the rare times that Pau's asleep before me. And it's also the first time in weeks when it's almost midnight and I'm still up and about. The past few weeks, come nine in the evening and I'm already in dreamland. Not tonight. And last night. Boo.

I blame it on this freakin allergies. My skin's so ugly just when it was almost stretch-marks-free. I was almost hysterical because I can finally wear minis again since god knows when. Then this happened. I took photos of my allergies but they're too ugly to be shown.

I blame it on my work and how I've spent days doing this Midyear Business Review and pretending and forcing myself to know about it (as if I care really) and attending meetings with high-end people from all over listening to them discuss about the most uninteresting topics - from Shareholder Value Awards to tax issues to whines about The Firm's services to gossips. Argh. I'm actually attending yet another lunch meeting tomorrow to "discuss" one of those issues. Save me from the fires of hell!!!

I blame it on the past week when I've slept for 9-10 hours a day. Last Thursday I've spent the WHOLE day sleeping. Like for real. So now, the sleep bugs aren't coming to visit me anytime soon.

I blame it on a lot of things. I blame it on myself.

Please, just let me sleep now.

Good night world.

xoxo