out of my blood

Just recently I've been having these weird, insane, overanalysed thoughts that I should quit teaching. NOT because I don't want to teach anymore nor I've gotten so depressed about how little I get every month (because I tend not to let this bother me and just sigh it off) but because maybe, I am not cut for teaching.

I don't know. Maybe because I'm not old fashioned? I'm not tall enough? Not learned enough? Not strict enough? Because I'm giggly and funny and bubbly? I guess it's because when I look at the people I 'work' with, they all look so professional - they wear 'ternos' (you know, the ones traditional teachers wear), high heels and make up. They seem so strict and stern and I know I look fresh and fun and my clothes are fashionable.

It's hard to move in an environment where people's concept of your profession is sooo goddamn traditional.

I am not saying that my mum is old fashioned and boring and strict because she isn't! She's cool and funny but she teaches in a more 'open' University where professors aren't as well...old, as my colleagues. Or at least I think so.

And I don't know, maybe because when I look at myself, I don't see a teacher. I see someone who can do a lot of other things - events, marketing, writing, advertising. I am not saying that I feel my talents are wasted because I'm teaching. Definitely not. Teaching is such a noble profession - helping students achieve their highest potential and all those noble things but I don't know, sometimes I feel like I am not inspiring enough. Sometimes I feel like I cannot handle the responsiblity of helping these kids be the best that they can be. Sometimes I feel like I am not enough - not smart enough, not strict enough, not old enough, not 'uncool' enough...not a 'teacher' enough.

But I guess this is just an effect of some hormones gone haywire.

Maybe in the next few days I'll be able to shrug this off. I hope. :-)

let's burn this!

Ever since Giann and I left this house and was forced to come back, I hated this house more. If that's even possible.

And everyone else in it except for Pau. He's the only one that makes sense in this house. And makes living in this house at least a bit sensible.

If I have it my way I'd leave this house for good, take Giann out of their pathetic lives and laugh while I'm at it.

Stupid maids, who do they think they are?

Really, I terribly terribly hate it when people cannot and do not mind their own friggin lives. And talk behind my back. Them and their pea-sized brains. ANNOYING.

I'm sorry for whinging but OMFG take me out of this place.

I'm thinking of getting a new maid for Giann but I'm sure nobody would agree with me. Well, except for Pau. He won't really agree. He just won't disagree either. But everyone else... I'm sure they'd throw me bazillion reasons why I shouldn't get a new maid.

But I guess no one should make such a decision when they're hormonal.

moving on

I told Pau I don't want to live in this house anymore. I've told him that for like bazillion times already. He stormed out of the room and whined to his mum about how annoying and loud our neighbours are. Especially when they're doing friggin karaoke.

He just doesn't understand. He probably doesn’t listen to me intently enough.

It's not just the neighbourhood I despise. It's this house. Everything about it.

I don't like that it feels like we're just doing "bahay-bahayan." I've never been a wife to Pau. He's never been a husband to me. Thanks to everyone who lives in this house.

I don't like that my being a mother to Giann is being looked over because everyone in this house wants to be his mother. READ: I AM HIS MOTHER. 'Nuff said. My mum would say I should share the gift of Giann, after all, he's not really "mine" anyways. The BIG GUY just "lent" him to me. But of course I want to share my biggest blessing (Giann) but there are terms, limits and if you cross that line then I'd be a protective mother hen! There *is* a reason why he was "lent" to ME, you know.

I don’t like how sheltered we are in this house. It doesn’t give me room for independence, for growth - to make me fill the role I'm supposed to. If I was still the same pampered, immature, spoilt Yeng then I’d love to live here. But I’ve left that girl eight months ago.

Sadly, Pau still hasn’t.

I’m moving out of this house soon. And wherever I go, my son goes with me.

And that’s that.

P.S. You wouldn't believe the reason why Pau wants to stay here.

eternal thought.

Love in itself is great. But in some situations, I'm afraid it is not enough. Relationships need more than just love. It needs TIME and ATTENTION.

I wish love REALLY makes the world go round. Sadly, it does not. Love is grand, alright. But to build a life together and hold on to it forever, you have to have more than love.

It's true that people show love in different ways. And if my idea of loving is different from yours, we may have a problem. BUT exactly why there are such things as respect and communication and patience and understanding. If we lack those too, then we indeed have a problem.

Shall we move on and blame it all on midlife crisis?

I am not crying for myself and you know that. I am crying for the little boy who needs you.

sunburnt

Because I was so eager to go home yesterday, I talked Pau into riding a non-airconditioned bus. He was reluctant at first but when I'm eager, I won't take no for an answer and he knew it. So we rode a non-airconditioned Dela Rosa bus on our way home. I was super giddy as I felt the wind blowing on my face and I didn't mind that it would mess my hair up! I was happy and I felt like I was in a rollercoaster haha. But an hour on that bus ride and this is how my right arm looks like now:

We were seated on the side where the sun was shining. It was 2 in the afternoon! I love the sun and I would've liked it if he kissed me ALL OVER. Then I would have an early "summer skin." But instead, he made my right arm look like a chiffon slice. Grats me.

Now, Pau would tease me by singing "uling uling uling ulinglingling..." Before it was "chingching taba taba chingching..." Yeah, we watch those Sexbomb series on TV. :P

I am now officially a chiffon cake. thankyouverymuch.

Oh. Here's another photo. ;) NOT of my right arm!

I LOVE HIM TO BITS!

He's payat now cause he was sick (and was hospitalised) for a week. The reason why I wasn't an active blogger for days.

xoxo

and i dare say

I'm sorry Pau and Imelda, I know how you feel about this place. BUT:

FUCKING ANNOYING NEIGHBOURS GO BURN IN HELL NOW!

thankyouverymuch.

cooled down

But then now that I've vent out all my anger and my rational-not-so-angry neurons have returned, I actually realize that I only have 70% hate for this place. Heh.

Let me remind myself of the 30%:

We have two maids here. Both love Giann the same way they loved his father.

One of the maids is an expert cook and I've always loved how delish meals here are!

Our room has everything we need (2 desktop computers - one for Pau and one for me, air conditioner, wall fan, TV, DVD player and an insect catcher - dunno if this is a good thing though)

Pau's mum will do everything for Pau, Giann and I. And I super appreciate her for that.

Our new car. Now, we can take Giann anywhere and everywhere we wish too.

And of course, Pau's happy to be here. Which is the foremost reason why we're here anyways.

Oh I'm sure there's more but they escape me at the moment. So sorry God for being such a whiny brat earlier. I swear if only you would allow a rain of fire to extinguish our loud, annoying (and I refuse to say more negative adjectives) neighbours and nuisance insects and if only you'd make our roads wider, and if mum, dad, ate, kuya, shobe and EJ would live much closer here (if not exactly here) then I promise NEVER to complain again. I'd be happy and contented to be here then.

Love,
your prodigal daughter, Yeng

i don't care what y'all say...

I ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY HATE THIS GOD-FORSAKEN PLACE.

There. I feel much better.

argh

Last Friday night I realized that if there's one thing I absolutely hate, it is when men whine like bitches. I didn't figure that out until that night because I'm surrounded by men who are childish, insensitive and chauvinistic but thank God they're not whiners. Heh.

Anyways, I was like trying my hardest to not get mad cause after all, I'm 2 years older than them but they kept on bitching about having to walk from Robinson's Pioneer to Paragon Plaza (where HiTFM is) and I was like, "I USED TO WALK THIS LONG EVERY SINGLE DAY!" That was during my on-the-job training and they were like, "omg we're already tired.. blah blah shit." And I couldn't help it. I flared up. I walked faster and gave them the SILENT TREATMENT. I know it was immature but well, THEY are immature I decided to give them the taste of their own medicine. I would've walked out on them but I was cornered. We're all taking the same elevator! I mean, I am helping them with their project and instead of being grateful they're throwing a bitch fit? I am not obliging them to be thankful whatsoever, but at least not bitch on me. HELLO! I used to be friendly with these people because they are Pau's friends but I just hate men who whine much more than I do. I thought I was the queen of whining. I guess I thought wrong.

But yeah, the night ended with me being all friends with them again. I just can't stay mad for so long, really. But I swear to all that is holy that if they start whining on me again, they'd regret it for as long as they live. Really really.

surprise surprise!

I browsed through Ate's blog and found this:

Live traffic feed

San Pedro, Laguna arrived from superlilmum.blogspot.com on "Mitsikoy"

Quezon, Nueva Ecija left via jong.i.ph

Quezon, Nueva Ecija left via tabulas.com

Quezon, Nueva Ecija left via .blogspot.com

Quezon, Nueva Ecija left via powderpuffmae.blogspot.com

Quezon, Nueva Ecija arrived from superlilmum.blogspot.com on "Mitsikoy"

Petaling Jaya, Wilayah Persekutuan arrived from blogger.com on "Mitsikoy"

Quezon, Nueva Ecija arrived on "Mitsikoy"

Petaling Jaya, Wilayah Persekutuan arrived on "Mitsikoy"

Makati, Rizal arrived from boker.i.ph on "Mitsikoy"

∙ Ignore my browser ∙ Live Traffic Map ∙ Popular Pages Today

Wow! QUEZON, NUEVA ECIJA! That's our province! Shall I say all the things I don't like about it now that I know a relative might be reading this blog? :P Bleah. Well, okay.. I love and hate it. Now that I think about it, I have that kind of relationship in almost everything in my life. Whatever happened to pure love? :(

Anyway, one reason I am surprised to see Quezon Nueva Ecija on ate's traffic feed is that I sincerely thought that internet connection doesn't exist in that place. I'll take you there and you'll know why! Our ancestral house in Nueva Ecija is so rural. So rural it's like being transported to errm.. another dimension. It's like one minute you're driving in a highway, you take one turn and all of a sudden, you're in a... forest! Seriously.

But Wow. Internet connection! Booyah for you people! :D

Hi relative! (if you are a relative heh) Say hi to lolo and lola for me! ;)

----

I think I'm done with breastfeeding. :( I've been breastfeeding Giann for more than 4 months now and it frustrates me to realize that it's not gonna last longer than I wanted. I want to give Giann the best in everything, and my milk is one of them. :) But I cannot produce milk forever, can I? I would if I can, really. But yeah. Oh well.

Okay will retire back to bed. My neurons are not working properly at this time of the day.

xoxo

you twit!

Someone's been bombarding me with fucking text messages, picture messages even, since two days ago! And I used to laugh at his misspelled words and funny-annoying lines but now... at this ungodly hour... man I want to throw my phone!! ARGH.

The thing is, he thinks I'm some dude he's mad at or something. Cause sometimes he'd sent me threats and all. One time I was so tempted to reply, cuss him and say, "YOU FRIGGIN GOT THE WRONG NUMBER TWIT!" But I don't want to grace him with a reply no matter how cheap a single text message is. And if I do reply, that would encourage him more. He called me once. I wanted to take the call and scream so loud his eardrums would explode! But I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing that I'm a girl. Because then, he'd send me more messages for sure!

And no I don't want a text mate, thankyouverymuch. I've NEVER had a text mate nor a chat mate. Those are not my things. Well, I did chat with someone for a looong time but he's not just a "chat mate." I don't care if it's "in" or if people do it. Just please, stop bombarding me with messages. Please!!!

ARGHHHH!

*changes sim card*

His number: 09104511519

Go go go! Harass him with messages!! (Baneneng alam ko magaling ka jan! :P hahaha!)

the chosen ones

The one and only reason why Giann isn't baptised yet is because Pau cannot tell his mum that we've decided for Giann to be a Catholic. Well for now at least. Because Pau's insisting he'd be an Iglesia ni Cristo as soon as he understands the concept of religion and has the moral judgment to choose for himself. He cannot be an Iglesia ni Cristo yet because for one, I'm a Catholic and if I remember right, they have this 'one-must-choose-his-religion-it-shouldn't-be-implied-on-him' thing going. You'd think it's neat yeah. But I cannot imagine my son to not have a religion until he's like what? Thirteen?

Seriously, I cannot understand why religion is such a big issue. I mean, we can name and rename our faith however and whenever we want to, we can give God different name, worship Him one million and one ways but those will never change the fact that there is just ONE God. I'm sure some people will try to be a smart ass and say, "but don't Catholics have this Holy Trinity?" For sure we do! But they're one and the same. If you can't grasp that then you're not cool. Haha. Kidding. But I am not a strict Catholic devotee ergo I cannot fully explain how did that happen. So yeah, go find a priest and ask him. ;)

See, I am bound to join Iglesia ni Cristo. I have to or else Pau will be removed from his precious religion. And I wouldn't want that to happen because I know that will devastate Pau. If there's one thing I TOTALLY hate about Iglesia ni Cristo it is their idea that they are THE chosen ones, screw the gazillion other religious groups! I mean come on, be more of an elitist! I promised Pau I'd be "one of them" yeah, but I also told him that I won't stay. I'd just join for "formality's sake" for him to be able to say "oi my wife joined us you cannot remove me!" What do you know maybe I'll take you people to our uber cool, uber elite rocket ship when judgment day comes! :P Haha. Why am I not gonna stay with Iglesia ni Cristo despite the rocket ship promise? God how can I ever think that my benevolent and selfless parents, loving siblings and beautiful friends will be burnt in hell because they did not choose to join Iglesia ni Cristo? I am sorry but I don't think I can EVER be that selfish. I can be selfish about many things but NEVER that. I also don't like the fact that they are obliging people to give donations (or whatever they choose to call it) and to attend church. Of course worshiping is an obligation, some would say. But I'd rather WANT to worship than go to church because I'm obliged to or because if I don't I can expect the leaders of my religion to visit me in the house the next day and I'd have to explain myself. I mean how many excuses one must invent yeah? See, I believe there are unlimited ways of loving and praising God. Going to church is just one of them. The day I moved in at Pau's is the very same day I stopped going to church. I just don't want to go to their church period. The last I've been there, I fell asleep. Seriously! And I don't think his mum would appreciate me attending catholic church so I'd rather not go at all. As I said, we can praise, love and worship God gazillion other ways.

Don't get me wrong. I don't absolutely hate Iglesia ni Cristo. Just that I cannot understand why it has to believe that they are the only ones to be saved. Just because the bible termed "the chosen ones" Iglesia ni Cristo? Migawd be more literal please! Heh. This is what I believe: Church of God could be anyone, even everyone if you'd think about it. I believe everyone who believes in God and doesn't do harm to himself and to others will be "saved", whatever it is we need saving from. Because I also believe in a happy God. And a happy God won't punish his people, really. :) We will all go to heaven or be with Him if we desire. As I said, I'm not a strict Catholic devotee, I am not hailing Catholicism as the perfect religion. I admit there are some Catholic beliefs and rituals that I question and to some extent, despise. But I'm a proud Catholic girl. How glad I am that we don't degrade other religious groups nor we fight and bad mouth other people's beliefs. We're not taught that by our church. If any Catholic does that, it is his own personal belief. Same as these are my opinions, I don't really give a damn whether you agree or not. Go make your own blog and publish your own views. :P

Oh but I love some things about Iglesia too! One is how they dress properly and appropriately for worship. I also like their strict rules on time. They close gates 5 minutes before worship. No one should be late! The best thing I love about Iglesia ni Cristo is that Pau belongs to it. :) Pau is one of the few good men I know. For that fact alone, I must say Iglesia must be doing something right after all. ;)

But yeah, I love (and hate) Catholocism so I'm sticking to it! I just hope Giann gets baptised soon.

Believe me when I say that my one ultimate wish would have to be world peace. Cause then religious conflicts and differences have no place.

xoxo