catholic girl

I don't want to be an Iglesia ni Cristo.

But if I don't "join" them, Pau will get "kicked-out" of the religion he's believed in and loved all his life. It will torment him. And I can't take that.

But I don't want to be an Iglesia ni Cristo. For various reasons. I never realised how much I don't want to be an INC member until Pau told me tonight that I'm going to be doctrined starting tomorrow morning. I cried. But I didn't let him know. I cried because I don't want to be doctrined. I don't want to be a part of something I don't believe in. Catholicism is not perfect, sure. But Iglesia ni Cristo is just... different. It's alien to me. And no I don't want to learn about it. I tried to buy more time. I was like, "can't I be doctrined after I finish my masters degree? Then I don't have to worry about anything else but attending those sessions Wednesdays and Sundays." I am desperate. I'll sing and dance and eat fire if only it'll buy me more time!

But I don't want Pau to lose his religion. He's the man that he is because of it. And Pau's a good man. Like really.

Oh what am I going to do?

I cried and I am crying.

Someone help me make sense of this. Please. :(