i adore(d) Sex and the City.

The challenge in life is to find someone who would still hold your hand despite the years. Even though his ice cream melted while waiting for you because you want to find a pair of good shoes. Which would only mean you're waaay more important than friggin DQ ice cream. Which SHOULD be the case, anyways. He won't purposely walk fast for you to fall behind because he knows you're carrying an uber heavy bag and shopping bags. He will ESPECIALLY wait for you when you're about to cross the street because you've just learnt the art of crossing streets 3 years ago.

Ah, it's so hard to find someone like that. Or is it, really?

That even if you've known someone since ancient times, still won't guarantee he'd be that.

Believe me, I so know.

The end.

xoxo

crazy handstands!

When was the last time your heart leapt out of your chest?

Mine did this morning.

Why are we depriving ourselves of such wonderful, amazingly crazy emotion/s?

xoxo

and he's helpful

Today I’ve spent lunch time with an Indian intern and I realised that when you’re somewhat confused and keep on double-guessing your decision and here comes someone from a totally different perspective who tells you, “I think you did what should be done.” And he may not entirely agree with EVERYTHING and you may not be able to tell him EXACTLY how you feel and why you did what you did and everything that happened in between but even with his bleak understanding of what you’re going through he gives you a good, firm nod, it makes you believe that yeah, you indeed did the right thing. You may never even come close to guessing how relieving it is. But of course you’d still feel pangs of negative emotions every now and then but you always go back to that one fateful lunch with someone who doesn’t share anything in common with you yet believes in your decision, you know you’re in the right path.

P.S. Although somewhere along the conversation, healthy, sad tears sprang and towards the end he was like, “okay enough torturing the napkin” and I, unaware of what I was doing, looked at the torn napkin with strong holes all over it, blushed.

Super P.S. And yes Hana, it's because you don't want to eat lunch with me anymore that I'm stuck with my new bestfriends. :P Although I admit, N is helpful.

xoxo

the donkey and the carrot

Days ago, one of our Indian interns told us an analogy about the donkey and the carrot in relation to making a relationship work. The donkey being your partner; you being the "driver" of the donkey and a carrot as a means to "control" your donkey. He said if your donkey doesn't want to obey you, you must make him by using a carrot.

Today, I amended his story:

"You know what I think? If your donkey's too stubborn to follow you, just get off the donkey and find a new one to ride!"

He laughed and said, "All donkeys get smart, you know."

It was my turn to laugh. Well, I wasn't being serious to begin with.

Seriously, I don't believe there are formulas to relationships. What works for one may not work for all. Each relationship is different as each person involved in them is, too. No analogy can guarantee that a relationship will be successful. No theory can ensure a relationship will work. Only the people involved in it can.

P.S. Hana suggested, "how about hitting the donkey with the carrot? HARD ON THE HEAD!"

---

Today I also learnt that some things aren't what they seem. And most of the time, just when you're uber sure you guessed right, you thought wrong. :)

xoxo

my take

I'm actually relieved that Pol and Hana will just transfer departments and not leave The Firm for good. Of course, Markets won't be as fun without them but doesn't make that much difference if they're just a local away (even a few steps away if I'm not as lethargic! :P)

It would've been better if they'd just stay in Markets of course. But for everyone's sake and sanity, whatever and whenever they choose to be, I'd be happy for them, really. :) As long as we still eat lunch together! :P And probably go to Embassy together too! Haha.

Hana, Gill, Yeng and Pol doing his re-enactment of Cosmo's hunk thingy! :P

Inside the elevator that injured bazillions (Pol included)

CRL's angels! Hahaha. Yeah Hana? :P


WALKING AWAY IS THE BEST PART OF EACH AND EVERY DAY. Especially on a Friday!

moving on

I told Pau I don't want to live in this house anymore. I've told him that for like bazillion times already. He stormed out of the room and whined to his mum about how annoying and loud our neighbours are. Especially when they're doing friggin karaoke.

He just doesn't understand. He probably doesn’t listen to me intently enough.

It's not just the neighbourhood I despise. It's this house. Everything about it.

I don't like that it feels like we're just doing "bahay-bahayan." I've never been a wife to Pau. He's never been a husband to me. Thanks to everyone who lives in this house.

I don't like that my being a mother to Giann is being looked over because everyone in this house wants to be his mother. READ: I AM HIS MOTHER. 'Nuff said. My mum would say I should share the gift of Giann, after all, he's not really "mine" anyways. The BIG GUY just "lent" him to me. But of course I want to share my biggest blessing (Giann) but there are terms, limits and if you cross that line then I'd be a protective mother hen! There *is* a reason why he was "lent" to ME, you know.

I don’t like how sheltered we are in this house. It doesn’t give me room for independence, for growth - to make me fill the role I'm supposed to. If I was still the same pampered, immature, spoilt Yeng then I’d love to live here. But I’ve left that girl eight months ago.

Sadly, Pau still hasn’t.

I’m moving out of this house soon. And wherever I go, my son goes with me.

And that’s that.

P.S. You wouldn't believe the reason why Pau wants to stay here.

kindof

When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it?"

From "Captain Corelli's Mandolin"

eternal thought.

Love in itself is great. But in some situations, I'm afraid it is not enough. Relationships need more than just love. It needs TIME and ATTENTION.

I wish love REALLY makes the world go round. Sadly, it does not. Love is grand, alright. But to build a life together and hold on to it forever, you have to have more than love.

It's true that people show love in different ways. And if my idea of loving is different from yours, we may have a problem. BUT exactly why there are such things as respect and communication and patience and understanding. If we lack those too, then we indeed have a problem.

Shall we move on and blame it all on midlife crisis?

I am not crying for myself and you know that. I am crying for the little boy who needs you.

thought #3

I don't know which is worse: The way I am or your perception of me.

And you're supposedly my better half.

Wow.

It's too painful to realise that the one who's supposedly supporting/loving/standing by you and fighting for you is just like the rest of them narrow-minded people you hate.

I married my mortal enemy.

Or maybe. I got it all wrong. Although I'm certain that he's the one who got it all messed up.

P.S. Thank you for slapping the past right back to my face.

I am Mother.

If there's one thing I learnt from being a mother it is that I have to be thankful of Giann more than he should be thankful of me. Sure I did risk my life for him, went through all the cons pregnancy and post pregnancy have to offer. And sure I've sacrificed a hell lot because of (and for) him. Then again, all those are nothing compared to what he's brought (and still bringing) in my life.

Because of Giann, I've learnt to be responsible and mature. Those two adjectives can never go with my name before I had him, but now, I am those. I've realised that I have to be an "extra" person because a little boy is clinging his life to me. I have to be extra patient, careful, thoughtful and smart because someone's depending on me. It's overwhelming if you think about it but I would never trade it for ANYTHING or ANYONE else in the world.

It's true that motherhood isn't as "elegant" as it seems. It is NOT easy. And I have to learn that every single day as I tend to Giann. It's an every hour, every minute process for me. Motherhood teaches me things I will NEVER ever learn from graduate school or in the corporate world. Example? NOTHING IS GREATER THAN YOUR OWN CHILD'S GIGGLES!

The late Heath Ledger couldn't have expressed parenting any better when he said: "You're forced into, kind of, respecting yourself more. You learn more about yourself through your child, I guess. I think you also look at death differently. It's like a catch 22: I feel good about dying now because I feel like I'm alive in her, you know, but at the same hand, you don't want to die because you want to be around for the rest of her life."

I have discovered a lot about myself because of Giann. He's helping me get to know myself better as we spend each and every day together. Amazing how a little, innocent person can have so much impact in someone's life!

God how glad I am that I'm a mother. There are heaps of things and events in my life that I would've done differently, but having Giann is not one of them. It is the most right thing I have EVER done. Words can never do justice to how much I love my son. He's my joy, love, pride and ultimate little guy in the whole Universe. :)

So thank you Giann for coming into mummy's life. You make me lose sleep and stress me at times but I will never ever EVER want it any other way. :)

I love you Boching! ♥

P.S. speaking of Giann, his two lower teeth are visible now! That when I give him my finger to bite, it's impossible not to scream "ouch!" and it would make him giggle more. Haha.

xoxo
the proud SuperMum

thought #2

A Lebanese I play WoW with said, "If I marry, I want my husband to be very good looking... Cause like... I'll have to see his face every single day for the rest of my life."

For the time being I agreed with her. After all, whoever wants to see someone ugly every single day for as long as you live! But being in my position now made me realize that the husband or husband-to-be should have lots more to offer than his cover boy looks. Fast forward 30 years from now our face would be wrinkled and saggy and the used to be cover boy husband is as plain looking as everyone else.

I realized that a husband (aside from being good looking) should be responsible and brave. He should be mature, has goals and is very determined to achieve them. A husband should have good judgment and patience as vast as the ocean (if you're my husband you have to be more than patient! Ask Pau. :P) And above all, a husband should know his priorities - putting his family ABOVE anything and everything else. :)

A little thought of the day. ;)

---

I am currently loving Death Cab for Cutie's I Will Follow You Into the Dark. ♥

xoxo

beautiful words.

There's a four-line poetry I could never forget. They are not my words but they're in my heart like they are mine. But then, I guess they're really mine after all. I am being selfish and will not share it. Memories are all we have, don't we? So I'd rather keep them all to myself.

But I have to say, this four-line poetry makes me melancholic and hopeful and happy and down all at the same time.

Not a lot of things can make me that.

thought #1

The only thing we can do about the past is remember it. Hold onto it for as long as we can until they slip away. Then convince ourselves it's not worth going back to. Just so we don't regret. Just so we don't spend our whole lives looking back - wishing, hoping, crying.

A little thought of the day.

xoxo