moving on

I told Pau I don't want to live in this house anymore. I've told him that for like bazillion times already. He stormed out of the room and whined to his mum about how annoying and loud our neighbours are. Especially when they're doing friggin karaoke.

He just doesn't understand. He probably doesn’t listen to me intently enough.

It's not just the neighbourhood I despise. It's this house. Everything about it.

I don't like that it feels like we're just doing "bahay-bahayan." I've never been a wife to Pau. He's never been a husband to me. Thanks to everyone who lives in this house.

I don't like that my being a mother to Giann is being looked over because everyone in this house wants to be his mother. READ: I AM HIS MOTHER. 'Nuff said. My mum would say I should share the gift of Giann, after all, he's not really "mine" anyways. The BIG GUY just "lent" him to me. But of course I want to share my biggest blessing (Giann) but there are terms, limits and if you cross that line then I'd be a protective mother hen! There *is* a reason why he was "lent" to ME, you know.

I don’t like how sheltered we are in this house. It doesn’t give me room for independence, for growth - to make me fill the role I'm supposed to. If I was still the same pampered, immature, spoilt Yeng then I’d love to live here. But I’ve left that girl eight months ago.

Sadly, Pau still hasn’t.

I’m moving out of this house soon. And wherever I go, my son goes with me.

And that’s that.

P.S. You wouldn't believe the reason why Pau wants to stay here.