out of my blood

Just recently I've been having these weird, insane, overanalysed thoughts that I should quit teaching. NOT because I don't want to teach anymore nor I've gotten so depressed about how little I get every month (because I tend not to let this bother me and just sigh it off) but because maybe, I am not cut for teaching.

I don't know. Maybe because I'm not old fashioned? I'm not tall enough? Not learned enough? Not strict enough? Because I'm giggly and funny and bubbly? I guess it's because when I look at the people I 'work' with, they all look so professional - they wear 'ternos' (you know, the ones traditional teachers wear), high heels and make up. They seem so strict and stern and I know I look fresh and fun and my clothes are fashionable.

It's hard to move in an environment where people's concept of your profession is sooo goddamn traditional.

I am not saying that my mum is old fashioned and boring and strict because she isn't! She's cool and funny but she teaches in a more 'open' University where professors aren't as well...old, as my colleagues. Or at least I think so.

And I don't know, maybe because when I look at myself, I don't see a teacher. I see someone who can do a lot of other things - events, marketing, writing, advertising. I am not saying that I feel my talents are wasted because I'm teaching. Definitely not. Teaching is such a noble profession - helping students achieve their highest potential and all those noble things but I don't know, sometimes I feel like I am not inspiring enough. Sometimes I feel like I cannot handle the responsiblity of helping these kids be the best that they can be. Sometimes I feel like I am not enough - not smart enough, not strict enough, not old enough, not 'uncool' enough...not a 'teacher' enough.

But I guess this is just an effect of some hormones gone haywire.

Maybe in the next few days I'll be able to shrug this off. I hope. :-)