out of my blood

Just recently I've been having these weird, insane, overanalysed thoughts that I should quit teaching. NOT because I don't want to teach anymore nor I've gotten so depressed about how little I get every month (because I tend not to let this bother me and just sigh it off) but because maybe, I am not cut for teaching.

I don't know. Maybe because I'm not old fashioned? I'm not tall enough? Not learned enough? Not strict enough? Because I'm giggly and funny and bubbly? I guess it's because when I look at the people I 'work' with, they all look so professional - they wear 'ternos' (you know, the ones traditional teachers wear), high heels and make up. They seem so strict and stern and I know I look fresh and fun and my clothes are fashionable.

It's hard to move in an environment where people's concept of your profession is sooo goddamn traditional.

I am not saying that my mum is old fashioned and boring and strict because she isn't! She's cool and funny but she teaches in a more 'open' University where professors aren't as well...old, as my colleagues. Or at least I think so.

And I don't know, maybe because when I look at myself, I don't see a teacher. I see someone who can do a lot of other things - events, marketing, writing, advertising. I am not saying that I feel my talents are wasted because I'm teaching. Definitely not. Teaching is such a noble profession - helping students achieve their highest potential and all those noble things but I don't know, sometimes I feel like I am not inspiring enough. Sometimes I feel like I cannot handle the responsiblity of helping these kids be the best that they can be. Sometimes I feel like I am not enough - not smart enough, not strict enough, not old enough, not 'uncool' enough...not a 'teacher' enough.

But I guess this is just an effect of some hormones gone haywire.

Maybe in the next few days I'll be able to shrug this off. I hope. :-)

Mothers I adore

Lhai Recalde Taylan. I've always said that if I become half the mother and woman my mum is then I'd consider myself successful. But from where I stand now I realise that if I do just that, I'd end up disappointing her. I realised that a mother would always want her children to go way beyond her achievements and to dream bigger than her dreams. So Ma, I will follow your path, but I promise to go way beyond you've ever dreamed of. :) Thank you for being my inspiration. Thank you for being the strongest, smartest, funniest, coolest, most beautiful, most supportive and most understanding mother anyone could ever have. (Anyone who truly knows my mum will definitely agree with me.) I would like to believe I've inherited your one-of-a-kind strength and for that, thank you. :) I love you very much. ♥

Michelle Taylan Suarez. My Ate has always been a mother-figure even before she had Kylie. She stood as a second mother to me, Shobe and EJ in more ways than she could ever imagine. As a sister she's strict, protective, generous and caring. As a mother she's even better! :) Kylie is one lucky angel for having ate as her mother. Ate is luckier for being her mother. ;) I love you, Ate Mich! :D


Vanessa Abainza Arinsol. We were a few weeks away from graduating from college when my best friend learnt she was carrying Enzo, but unlike other girls our age, she didn't cower. She stood taller than ever as if saying, "bring it on!" Nhe is a fighter. She's independent and carefree and not sweet! :-P But I'm sure as hell she's the sweetest mother to Enzo! :) And I love her much!


Khristine Machuca Esguerra. My good friend from college, Chickie, is a girl blessed with the power of being motherly in nature. Even back in college, there's something in her that made me believe she'd make a good mother. I'm sure the cutie Bettina will agree with me! ;)


Denden Recalde Chua. My Tita Den is someone I really admire. She's superbly loving and caring to Ishee and Boyboy and despite some problems she's encountered, she remains strong for her children. She will do anything and everything for them. It takes a great deal of strength and love to keep a family together and my Tita Den is such a strong woman (I think it runs in our blood!) She's one ideal "Naynay" and she is one of my inspirations. :)


Connie Marie Arinque. Truth is, Connie isn't a mum yet but she belongs to the "Mothers I adore" list simply because she's got all the attributes that make a good mother. :) She's patient, supportive, caring, loving, selfless, thrifty and smart. Our teenage students love her, which one way or another, reflects how her future children will look up to her. ;) She claimed on her mother's-day-card for me that I actually stand as a mother to her. The thing is, she stands like a mother to me, too! She helps me go to places I haven't been to and teaches me things I've never heard of before. She inspires me to work harder because she is such a good teacher, I feel ashamed to be any less. I haven't told you Mads, but you've been nothing but a positive influence on me. And for that I am really grateful. :) I love you!

Other mothers I truly love and look up to:

Agnes Recalde Valmores & Kathryn Valmores Aguilar. Mama Ness and Ate Kath are mothers I adore because they are beautiful and strong (as I said, it runs in our blood! :P).

Katherine Bacosa. I know of many women who got pregnant at such an early age and right after giving birth, forgot about their kids. Kath is the exact opposite. She's living a beautiful life in a different country yet she's never forgotten about her son here in the Philippines. This made me respect and love her more. :)

Nina Recalde Garcia. Because I know she'll move heaven and hell for Dhona and Dhonell! :) I admire Tita Nina because she's strong, selfless and beautiful.

Baybee Recalde Collao. Because despite and in spite of, her love for life and her kids has remained as steadfast as ever. Some of life's beautiful and bitter lessons I've learned from my Tita Baybee.

the super SUPER MUM!

xoxo

FINALLY!

Updates updates!

I've been down with really bad fever since a week ago. Well, today makes it a week and a day. The fourth day of the fever, ugly allergies appeared and I had to take antihistamines to make it better. The fifth day my breasts were swelling. The other days I've no other symptom than really high fever. 

It's not urinary tract infection. It's not wound infection. My allergies are all better now. And my breasts aren't as engorged anymore. I've no reason to have a fever. But my temperature is still 38.8 C. I don't know what's up with that.

---

My Aunties and cousins from Canada are here for vacation!

Hoorah for good times! :)

Although, I won't be able to go malling with them. I won't even be able to attend a planned swimming party to celebrate mum and cousin Donna's birthdays!

But oh well. 

---

I had my hair cut! Because mum said I look really "losyang" with super thick, long hair that's always tied up in a bun. She said I'm not taking care of myself enough. It's nice that I am spending my whole time taking care of Giann & Red but she's right when she said that in order to take care of them better and longer, I need to take care of myself too.

I don't always take her advice because I like to do things my way, but I took this one. :P

---

Booyahs:

Ate Kat, we're waiting for you na and for Kuya Pat too! :)

Ate, we miss you here. :(

xoxo

doodle doodle doo

unpublished posts

I will never be too old for doodles. 

xoxo

he was so into me!

So I re-read "He's Just Not That Into You" and it made me cry.

Last I read it was like 4 years ago and I didn't put much weight on what it has to say.

But now, it sprang tears. 

P.S. I'm adding a new blog on this URL. 

xoxo

2nd time around!

The Red Project

xoxo

letters to my children

My Dearest Little Kuya Giann,

Mum will be honest. I'm worried about leaving you for days but I know you'll be a good boy. Mum will definitely miss you and I know you're going to miss me too but promise me you won't give your lola, ninang, kuya and the maids a hard time, okay?

I will be back soon! With a bonus baby sister for you! :P You may not really be thrilled with her arrival but we'll get there. You're a smart, sweet, very beautiful little kuya and I love you very much. Know that a new baby will not lessen my love for you. Mum actually looks forward to raising Baby Red with you. :)

Make mum proud Kuya Giann! Patiently wait for me like the real, smart, good little Kuya that you are! ;)

I love you. I'll see you soon! 

---

My Dearest Baby Girl,

I wish I have the best words to tell you how anxious and excited I am to finally see you! Mum will not lie, I am very very very nervous too (that we cried more than once yesterday just thinking about the BIG day!) but we're strong, we'll be fine. :)

Conceiving you may not be as breezy as conceiving your Kuya but I want you to know that it never lessened the joy, love, and anticipation I'm feeling knowing that I'm going to have you. I actually can't wait to hold your tiny, fragile little body while imagining how cute you'd be in pink dresses! :P

We're off to the hospital in a few hours. Mum will yet again undergo painful, annoying medical procedures before having you but much as I'm scared, I will take them like a real woman for they bring me steps closer to finally meeting you.

Mum is really nervous! You must be too. But no worries love, we'll be fine. We have your lola's strength! We're strong and beautiful and we're gonna rock St. Luke's! ;)

Daddy and Kuya Giann will be waiting for us, we should come home soon. 

I love you.

xoxo 

bulutong scare!

There is an epidemic of chicken pox in this place.

It all started with our neighbour - the first one to get the virus. I couldn't understand why he didn't leave their house to spare his two kids of the virus. His eldest is 4 and the youngest is months younger than Giann. The father is all well now. But both the kids got the virus. It seems to me though that it doesn't bother them one bit. When I went out of the house for a drive, I saw both kids in the streets - playing! With scabs all over their body. And their parents were just there, watching. Didn't they know that 1. sick children should be resting; 2. they should be confined at home to prevent the spread of the airborne virus. No, they probably don't know. Or just don't care.

Now the eldest daughter of Giann’s maid has the virus as well! And she lives upstairs! Giann’s maid, the other maid and her younger sister are all exposed to her, and they all come down here to play/look after Giann! One thing about chicken pox is sometimes, you already have it but you have no idea that you’re a carrier. Pau and I are now afraid that one of them might spread the virus and infect Giann and me! We’re both very susceptible to chicken pox. Giann’s still very young and I am pregnant. Chicken pox, like any infection, is a big NO to any pregnant woman.

Therefore Pau has decided that both Giann and I leave this place until the outbreak has totally subsided. We’re going to be Mummy Lhai’s refugees for days, weeks even!

Too bad Pau won’t be staying with us. He’s got no place to sleep in our little condo! Heh. We’ll definitely miss him. :( But it’s something we gotta do to make sure Giann and Baby Red won’t get infected by chicken pox. Anyway, Pau’s promised to visit us every day and that while he’s in this house, he won’t leave the room or be in contact with the maids so he won’t get the virus. Then again he keeps on insisting that once you already had chicken pox, you get immune to it. But I read somewhere that you can still get the virus long years after your first infection. So yeah. Better safe than sorry!

I knew it. This place is really not good for us!

xoxo

So I was right!

I am a master of the specie that we call MALE! :P

The swimming/drinking didn't pursue. Well, it 'kind of' did. But not as planned. It's not in Laguna and it's not going to be overnight. It's just going to be in a condo somewhere in Makati. There'd be lots of drinking and "WoW-talking" and it's gonna be a sausage fest!

So why am I home? Pau didn't want to go if it's not going to be overnight. He doesn't want to drive after drinking. :) If he goes, he just won't have a good time. He knows he's going to stop drinking after two bottles of San Mig Light because he's gonna drive! He's just going to drool and envy our friends who can drink a whole case of beer without having to worry about driving! See, Pau's an educated driver. ;)

I am not gonna lie and say I was saddened by the fact that we didn't go to Pansol for an overnight swimming/drinking. I am actually relieved. I really had bad vibes about it.

I feel sorry for Pau though.

There's always next time! :)

xoxo

from baneneng

1.Has anyone told you they would never leave and left?

> No.

2.Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?

> Depends.

3. What is wrong with you right now?

> I've not taken a bath yet!

4. What was the first thing you thought when you wake up?

> Where's Giann?

5. Have you ever faked sick?

> bazillion of times!

6. Who was the last person of the same sex?

> ?

7. Who is the longest crush you have had?

> Hmm. Victor Vasquez?

8.What will you be doing tomorrOW?

> Will come back from swimming.

9. Bet you're missing someone now?

> Yes.

10.Do you get along with guys?

> Yes.

11.Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?

> It's Pau's! :)

12. Are your nails painted?

> My toenails are.

13. Ever had someone you like tell you they never want to see or talk to you?

> Yes.

14.Have you ever liked someone older than you?

> Yes.

15.Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?

> Yes.

16. Can you whistle?

> No. But I can fake it to amuse Giann! ;)

17.Do you have a soulmate?
> Yes.

18.Who was the last person you took a picture with?
> Pau.

19. Can you skateboard?

> No.

20. Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

> Yes.

21.Does it take a lot to make you cry?

> No.

22. Does it annoy you when someone says they’ll call/text, but never do?

> It worries me more than it annoys me.

23. Have you ever hated someone but then ended up liking them?

> Yes.

24. Do you miss your past?

> Parts of it, yes.

25. Are you happy with the way things are going?

> Yes and no.

26. In the past week have you cried?

> No.

27. Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week?

> Let's go March 28!

28. Last December how was your heart?

> Was very happy. :)

29. When was the last time you went camping?

> Like never?

30. What was the last thing you purchased?

> Animal toys for Giann! REALLY CHEAP! ;)

31. What are you wearing on your feet?

> None. I'm in bed.

32. Any fun plans for tomorrow?

> Play with Giann!

33. Will this weekend be a good one?

> Hopefully!

34. Is anyone interested in you right now?

> Giann very much is. :P

35. Rent a movie or go to movies?

> MOVIE DATES! ♥

36. Are you a jealous person?

> I was.

37. Are you good at hiding your feeling?

> Yes and no.

---

1] Two names you go by?

- Yeng, Millaine

2] Four things you are wearing right now?

> I'm only wearing 2 pieces of clothing!

3] Does someone love you?

- Yes.

5] Have you ever licked a photo ?

- No. But I've kissed a card. :)

6] Have you ever been in LOVE?

- Yes.

7] Do you believe that every one has a soul- mate?

- Yes.

8] What's your current problem?

- I'm broke. :( But I won't be after the bank clears Pau's money. :P

9] Have you ever had your heart broken?

- Yes.

11] Are you a loser?

- No.

12] How many kids do you want to have?

- 2 or 3.

13] What is/are your favorite colors?

- Pink & green.

15] Have you ever found it hard to tell anyone you like them?

- Yes.

16] Imagine you're 40 & your spouse just died would you get re- married?

- I don't want Pau to die!

17] At what age did you start noticing the opposite sex?

- 9? Hahaha. I remember telling Jessica Vasquez when I saw Vic, "ang cute naman ng kuya mo!"

18] What song do you want played at your wedding?

- Hmm.

19] Do you like anyone?

- Yes.

20] Do you think the person you like likes you back?

- Yes.

21] Have you ever wrote a love song? poem?

- Oh I used to write 3-4 poems in a day! Not so much now. I actually haven't in a looong time.

22) Do you want to get married?

- I am married.

23) Are you a shy person?

- No.

24) Did u have a good day today ?

- My day's just starting.

25) Where did u just get back from?

- Sweet slumber! :P

26) What are you thinking about?

- If I have enough money to buy everything I need to buy!!

28) Would you ever go back to any of your past relationships?

- No.

29) Who's the closest person to you?

- Gino Paulooo!

xoxo