pregnancy woes

I'm guessing I have urinary tract infection. I will know tomorrow morning because the laboratory won't release the result until 11 PM tonight so good luck with that.

But I've been annoyingly, weirdly cold since yesterday afternoon, after munching on homemade fries. Like muscle-freezing cold! And my back hurts. And I feel terrible. If you really know me you'd know that I rarely feel cold. Ate (and even Pau agrees) that I've the skin of a carabao! Haha. Like everyone around me is like dying of cold and I'm like, "what is it cold?!" I say I'm made for the finer things like that! *flipshair*

Anyway, tomorrow I will go back to the lab again, visit the ever loving *cough* CRL, go to Jigu (what a funny name, never fails to make Gill laugh!) to know if I can now start with my home-based teaching stint and go see my OB for yet another check-up.

One thing about pregnancy is that it will force you to be okay with hospitals, if not entirely enjoy it. I hated the smell of hospitals for as long I can remember until I got pregnant with Giann and ergo was obliged to visit my OB's clinic once a month, sometimes even twice or thrice and on the 8th month onwards, every week!

But you gotta give it to St. Luke's, its rooms have the ambience similar to that of a hotel's. Even Pau can't complain. :) So yes, we travel that FAR just for check-up! Plus the fact that I love my OB-Gyne and Giann's pedia. They're the bestest! It's shameless marketing right there, I know. :P

Alrighty sleeping now. Good nighty.

xoxo

i don't want much...

I just want to be filthy rich.

OR

Get out of here.

OR

Be indifferent.

For once I don't want to just complain.

It's frustrating when everyone seems fine with everything and you're the only one outside the orbit of their happy-perfect-universe. You'll never come close to guessing.

Have you ever felt like you've no one to turn on to? Because they just won't understand because they're okay and happy. And you're the only one who knows that something's wrong. And you know what's shittier? It's when you realise that you have led yourself to this.

Long time ago I wanted this. Not anymore.

xoxo

24

Super early birthday dinner with colleagues and friends at Dad's (11/14/08)

(with me love, Ivor) Yes I was famished and yes I was holding the chicken with my bare hands! Yay for me!


With Markets' AMs Gill and Pol :)


Everyone minus myself :P I ditched the dinner early!

Here's how the A's celebrated mummy A's 24th:

Eating

AND playing!

And here's a late birthday celeb with my bestest loves in the world (plus Ate, Kuya and Daddy Dan):

♥♥♥

Oh and also celebrated with Pau, Mac, Vea and Mcnaire. But we were so Twilight-enthralled and uber hungry to take photos! :P

Thanks to everyone who remembered and greeted me on my not-so-grand-and-happy-birthday :P It wasn't so bad though. Just wasn't uber happy either. But I guess it's the gift of another year that matters so it's good.

xoxo

of fears and dreams

I've dreamt about death for two consecutive nights now. And it's not MY death or someone else I know. It's about a child dying. :( I don't know who that child is or exactly how young s/he is but obviously, young enough to be sleeping in a cradle.

One glaring image from both dreams is a cradle all strangled up with sort of like spider webs around it. In my dreams I never cried, but in both occasions I woke up with enormous pang of pain.

I wish it stops tonight. It's bugging.

---

I fear that because this place is one of the most child-unfriendly and unhealthy environment, Giann would grow up to be like all the other kids here. You should come visit so you know what I'm talking about - they're in streets all day, playing without slippers on, and their feet look like they haven't washed for weeks, they hurt each other with their parents all amused and even coerce them to fight even more! Or I'm afraid Giann would end up adapting their "kanto" language. Bunganga is NOT Tagalog for mouth, friggin stupids.

I'm also afraid that my second child would not be as beautiful as I am surrounded by ugly people. Call me shallow but I worry about that far too much. The maids, their children, everyone here is ugly with only Pau, Giann and myself as exceptions! And when I say ugly I don't mean just physical ugliness - it's EVERY ASPECT kind of ugliness. Even this place is ugly.

I'd rather be conceiving my baby and raising Giann somewhere nicer. To live in our condo would be grand and what I really want in the first place but I've already scratched that option the night I was sent back here.

But you should know how sophisticated and learned and elegant and smart my shobe and EJ speak and act. Would put every person in this place to shame.

Now I am really really hoping high quality education would help me raise beautiful and smart children as this environment will never ever be able to.

xoxo

now i'm a real MUMMY!

My body is seriously deteriorating.

Yesterday morning I woke up with numbness pain - WHOLE BODY particularly my left arm. I could barely stand up.

So I called my mum and she's ordered me to go on a check-up. I did and I found out that my body's running out of vitamins, vitamin B in particular, because the baby is sucking up all my nutrients. Which is a good thing if only it's not making me half a cripple. I told my mum about the result of the check-up and she's made me realise something very very true about my second pregnancy:

"Sabi ko na nga ba vitamins deficiency yan! Nag-aagawan kasi kayo ng nutrients ng baby mo. Nung buntis ka kay Giann, hindi ka nagkaganyan kasi malakas na malakas ka nun. Unang baby mo sha, lagi ka lang nagpapahinga at kumpleto ka pa sa vitamins. Eh ngayon, more than a year ka pa lang nakakapanganak, hindi pa mashado nakakabawi katawan mo sa nutrients kasi nagpabreastfeed ka pa tapos may umaagaw na namin ng vitamins mo. Kaya lagi kay may sakit at kaya sumasakit pakiramdam mo. Kaya dapat talaga uminom ka ng mga vitamins para sayo at para sa baby."

She made perfect sense. Exactly why this pregnancy is very very much harder than when I was pregnant with Giann. Also the doctor said all pregnancies are different. Having Giann might have been a breeze for me (except for the pre-eclamtic part, the whole 9 months I was concieving Giann went perfectly fine) but that doesn't mean this pregnancy would be as relaxed.

But you know what they say when you're having a really tough pregnancy?

It's a girl! :P

HAHA.

Alrighty I gotta go get some much needed rest.

xoxo

aside from not fitting in my old clothes...

All the things listed above, I'm experiencing. See, you'll never get the most beautiful thing without having to work hard for it. Life's like that. But no I am not really complaining. I can be whingy about bazillion of things but pregnancy is not one of them. Sure I go like "I FEEL HORRIBLY TERRIBLE." (yes horrible and terrible in one sentence!) but I know it's something I need to go through to get me one day closer to having another amazing blessing in my life. :)

---

I skipped work today for no other reason than the fact that I am lethargic. But now, I feel nauseous and my WHOLE body hurts like shit. And I'm sleepy even though I just woke up less than 30 minutes ago. :P

Man I'm the laziest person in the history of lazy people!

xoxo